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April 4, 1979 ~
September 9, 2001
22 years, 5 months and 5 days
of life ...
My daughter,
Loria Susan Caulder was born on Thursday, April 4, 1979. She was a beautiful
baby, the first girl born in my family since my own birth 19 years earlier
and the answer to my prayers. Her only sister, Crystal was born 15 months
later. Although siblings, they maintained a close friendship from a very
early age.
Loria began
attending head start at the age of five and even then it was obvious that
she would be an exceptionally bright student. Throughout elementary and
middle school, she attended academically gifted classes. She successfully
obtained perfect attendance during several years of school and also received
numerous awards for academic excellence.
I remember
Loria as a caring child that experienced all the normal emotions for her
age. While we saw other kids having tantrums in public, Loria was a
wonderful kid in comparison. She did all of the normal little girl things
and loved to play with her Barbie dolls. I remember that she was also very
protective of her younger sister.
Loria wanted
to be the leader her entire life. When in grade school, she was always
the teacher’s pet. Teachers would give her their excess practice work sheets
and she would bring them home to ‘play school’. She always had to be 'the
teacher’ and her sister was always forced to be ‘the student’.
Loria could
play school with her sister all day long and never get bored.
As a middle
school student, Loria chose her friends carefully and when her sister
didn’t, she felt that it was her responsibility to change the situation. On
more than one occasion, Loria would ‘report to me’ that her sister was
‘hanging around with the wrong crowd’. It didn’t stop after middle school.
Both girls always felt that it was their responsibility to look out for each
other.
During
Loria’s high school years at home, she was an excellent student, second in
her class. Again, she chose her friends carefully, maintaining a few close
ones throughout her short life. She and her carefully chosen friends were
quiet, reserved and usually low-key.
As an
upcoming high school junior, Loria was one of 275 academically gifted
students statewide to be invited to attend the
North Carolina School of Science & Math, a residential co-ed
high school located in Durham, NC. She accepted the invitation, thereby
leaving home at the young age of 16. During her junior and senior years at
NCSSM, Loria made lots of lifelong friends from various cultures and
backgrounds. (We have
memorialized Loria's attendance and graduation from NCSSM with a permanent name plaque on a seat in the new John Friedrick
Educational Technology Complex and within the bricks that wind their way
through the grounds as a part of the Alumni Walk. Select
here to view a collage of the memorial.)
For her high
school proms, her sister and I made the 350-mile round trip so that we could
be there to share the experience with her. I began taking pictures while she
was in the hairdresser’s chair and didn’t stop until she rode off into the
sunset.
She was beautiful, with naturally curly hair that created a gorgeous
‘up-do’.
While Loria
was a lover of all sports with a competitive aggressive nature, she was also
a well-rounded individual with lots of interests. As one of her peers said
to me after her death, "Loria was comfortable driving a pickup truck,
dressed beautifully in her prom dress with high-heeled shoes, or on the
soccer field."
Loria
entered her freshman year as an engineering student at
North Carolina State University in the fall of 1997. She had earned a
renewable scholarship from my employer and also one from her stepfather’s
employer. We were very proud of her accomplishments and told her so.
As a new
college student, she immediately made new friends while nurturing and
maintaining several of her closest friendships that began at NCSSM.
Her sister
was accepted and chose to attend NCSU the following year. She and Loria made
plans to be roommates, but Loria was offered employment as a resident
dormitory advisor, which meant that she wouldn't be able to have a
roommate.
During the
fall semester of 1999, Loria forfeited her resident advisor position and
began working in a cooperative student position with Nortel Networks in
Raleigh, NC. She returned to her college Resident Advisor
position on campus in January 2000.
Loria
celebrated her 21st birthday in April of 2000. Loria loved being
surrounded by friends and she had many with her as she celebrated the
occasion.
Loria moved
out of the school dorm and into a friend’s sub-leased apartment in late May.
She also returned to her co-op position with Nortel. For the first time in
her life, she could feel the independence that she had worked so hard to
achieve.
Her sister
was back at home, but as the summer was coming to a close, they prepared for
the upcoming school year. The cooperative position with Nortel would end and
Loria would be returning to class full time. The two of them had made plans
to share a two-bedroom apartment off-campus.
During
November, I was lucky enough to be invited by Loria and her sister to spend
the night with them in their new home. We enjoyed a ‘girls night’ and I
will never forget it as long as I live. We went out for dinner and once we
arrived back at their apartment, I gave both girls a pedicure. Together we
watched
Any Day Now, which was one of Loria’s favorite TV programs. It was one
of the best days I had ever spent with my daughters.
While
carrying a full schedule of classes during the fall semester of 2000, Loria
began working with Alcatel, where she remained until her death. During
her short time at Alcatel, she made new friends and was sincerely touched by
the generosity and kindness of a co-worker named Judy, who surprised her
with a sunflower birthday cake. In her funny way of savoring the moment, she
didn’t offer to cut the cake and share it with her co-workers. Instead she
took it home and ‘looked at it’ for the rest of the day before finally
deciding she couldn’t resist eating it.
During
spring break 2001, she and her sister headed out to meet up with a group of
friends in Savannah, GA. It was their first and only vacation together as
adults and I was anxious. But being the great girls that both of them were,
they left Savannah a day early and headed back to NC to visit their maternal
grandmother before returning home and back to school.
Shortly
after spring break, Loria called me and asked if
she and Roxy could come
home for a visit. I asked her who Roxy was and she said it was her dog. I
responded with disbelief and she became adamant. As it turns out, Roxy was
really a ‘he’ but she was determined to have a pet named after her favorite
maker of surfboards. She thought the name Roxy would be so cool.
During
Mother’s Day weekend in May, she and her sister both came home from school
for a visit in our home. As a family, we shared a great weekend and
it was my best Mother’s Day ever.
On
September
1st, my husband and I met Loria and her sister along with other
members of my family in another part of the state in honor of my Mom’s 74th
birthday.
During the
birthday party, Loria gathered addresses for various family members in
preparation for sending out her college graduation announcements. Her appearance was ‘healthy’,
but she seemed somewhat withdrawn. As she left, I reminded her of our
plans for her and I to meet again on the 14th of the month for a
pre-scheduled appointment.
On Tuesday,
September 4th, Loria called me in the evening to inform me that
she wanted to attend graduate school during the upcoming January. She wanted
to know if we would pay for the application fee and I answered positively. I
later found the completed application, her personal check, resume and
letters of recommendation in the addressed envelope on her bedroom floor.
We received
an email from her during the evening of Saturday, September 8th
indicating that her resume was attached, requesting that we "look at it as
if you were going to hire me".
On Sunday, September 9,
2001, Loria traveled
to our home and ended her life in our driveway while sitting inside her car.
My life has forever changed and grief is all that I know. :-(
While visiting, please
take a moment to sign Loria's guestbook.
It means so much to us when we know you have visited.
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