Dear Loria,

On April 4, 2004, you would have been 25 years old.
But it wasn't meant to be.  You would live only
22 short years and we'd be here grieving our
loss of your smiling face, companionship and the love
of a daughter and a sister.  We'll never get to meet
that granddaughter with your beautiful curls that would
surely have been a shining star in my golden years.
 

I will never be able to verbally express the
gut-wrenching pain that I suffer from losing you.
I feel as though the total breath of life
has been forced from my body.
How could anyone that hasn't experienced
the loss of a child ever understand the
emptiness that I feel?
But I keep trying to explain.

One of the few things that keeps me going
are my memories of you and my undying
desire to keep your memories alive.

On this anniversary of your birth date,
I pledge to always do whatever is necessary
to continue to keep your memory alive.
Through this website, through public or
private memorials in your honor or through my
mission to elicit the truth and inform the world ...
I promise, I will never let anyone
forget that you L-I-V-E-D.

Mental illness.  People talk about it ...
but is it understood?  Not in most cases.
But I do understand Loria.
I understand that you were in pain and to
end your life was the way to end the pain.
I understand that you reached out for a
savior, but that savior let you down.
I understand the words spoken and I would
give anything if they had been spoken to me.
Instead, I must do my best to continue
in this world here on Earth -- without you.
I remind myself daily that you are no longer
in pain and that I will be with you again one day.

Just the same as every other day of the year,
this April 4th, you will be with us in spirit.
But loving and missing you, along with the feelings of
desperation, will never diminish as we continue
to believe that you should be here with us.

Even though you can't be here for me to offer my
birthday wishes, this day wouldn't be complete
without me putting my thoughts into words.
I can't let the opportunity pass without expressing my
thoughts of you and my desires for you to have
a "Happy Birthday". You're certainly
celebrating with a greater group in Heaven.

Loria's final birthday cake, 4-4-01

I will always yearn to have you here on Earth with me.
I continue to miss your physical presence so much.
My heart remains broken and it can never be repaired.
You were half of my future and I know that
my life will never be whole again.

This was my final photo of Loria and it was
taken on 9/1/01, eight days before her final one.

Happy Heavenly Birthday Loria

Love, Mom